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The Afternoon Activites of Squirrels...and other things I've learned in College [entries|friends|calendar]
Laurel B

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Hmmm.... [02 Mar 2005|02:03pm]
[ mood | Interview Jitters ]

Welll....I should be locked up. Locked up I tell ya. I am absolutely a wreck after (and really while) I'm drinking. Buuut I have to get ready for my interview...I'm muy excited....yeck. I'm scared to death. Honestly. But hopefully I won't make an ass of myself and therefore get hired. Which would be awesome!!!!! Gotta get ready....lata.

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fuck this shit [23 Feb 2005|03:10am]
[ mood | crappy ]

I am bad. I need to be hit and have tape put over my mouth. I feel horrible. I mean really really horrible. Not just a little bit. I should have just gone to bed tonight. I really really should have. I don't know why I didnt. I would love to wake up and tonight have just been a dream except I know I really said what I think I said. And I feel horrible. I mean absolutely horrible , but its a little to late for that. And I know that. I know I cant take any of it back. And I obviously wish I hadnt said anything. And I just want to cry right now. And throw up. And cry some more. I feel like shit over everything that has happened tonight. It was unnecessary and immature. I really need to tape my mouth shut and never talk again. I need to go to class more. I need to take my fucking anti depressants but the fucking people at Kroger lick asshole. Which isnt funny. Its very frustrating. I just want to die right now. I hate the shit I do about half the time. Im turning back into mean laurel. and shes not nice. She sucks and people hate her. and b i know youre upset with me...not mad at me...just upset. Cause I started shit. And I really really didnt mean to. It just happened . And I feel SO SO SO bad. I really do. UGH. Hit me. Hitting me wont help but hit me anyway. Hard. DAMMIT. Fuck me. Im a shitty person . I really am. I would not want to be my friend and I really dont know why others do. Im going to say something else I regret in the very near future. I feel it. It may be to my roomate. Which would be bad cause I have to live with her. I feel absolutely horrible right now. I just want to crawl in a hole and not come out and if that doesnt work I just want to remind this evening. Im not going to school here next year. Or if I am im staying far far away from wofo co. Cause it only gets me in trouble. I feel somewhat suicidal. I havent felt so bad about myself in a long long time. And I mean I fucked up big time. But not that big. DAMMIT to hell.

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UGH!!! [09 Feb 2005|06:33pm]
[ mood | aggravated ]

Oh Gawd. I dont even know where to start. I think my roommate is stealing my meds from me. I want to move out but I cant afford the single room fee. And I really dont want to start all over with a new roomate. So right now I'm kinda fucked. Lindsay keeps telling me to be nicer to this girl but honestly I dont want to -- she freaks me out. Shes CONSTANTLY stoned or drunk or something. Its just frustrating.
School is also frustrating right now. I was exhausted this morning and felt like shit -- thus couldnt quite drag myself out of bed and to my three classes. Which means I have to make an appt for tomorrow to meet with my english professor. But hes hot so its okay. And I have a Bio Exam tomorrow. Which sucks major ass. Do not want to deal with that tomorrow.
Also need to talk to Brandon tomorrow. I dont wanna go on Spring Break with them. At all. I would much much rather stay at home and sleep for a week. OOOOO sleep. I need to get more. I didnt get up until like one this afternoon but I didnt go to sleep until at least its not like I got a ton of sleep...even though it was for me...ive become kinda conditioned to four hours.
I guess Im gonna go study now. Yeck.

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So So [07 Feb 2005|02:40am]
[ mood | contemplative ]

So So Happy for B and Andy. So So sick of Oladauh Equiano. So So Happy for B!!!!! So So confused about Spring Break and my living situation next year. Ugh. It'll work out. I know it will. But still.It sucks being confused. I'm just very frustrated.

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I got an icon! [27 Jan 2005|07:43pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]

Britt I did it! I got an icon! Thanks goes to Its awesome. Thanks.

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Bittersweet (a purging of emotions) [26 Jan 2005|09:23pm]
[ mood | crushed ]

Okay. There are definitely a few things I need to get off my chest. I have been lied to, hurt, and have become resentful of people and their actions. This has made me bitter. This bitterness has made me become mean to people who have lied to me, hurt me, or done things guaranteed to make me resentful (okay, maybe thats a stretch...but when you coming from the position im already in it doesnt seem like one).
Lets start with the lied to. Damn I hate that this bothers me. I hate that my friends lie to me. I hate that they have the need to. I hate that they think they fucking need to. All in all it makes me very upset. At both myself and them. I know when I'm being lied to. Not always right then at the moment, or moments, of the lie. But I know. Now. And I'm bitter about it. I have also been hurt. You know the Roberta Flack song (the Fugees covered it) that's like "I think he found my letters and read each one aloud"? Yeah. Definitely just happened to me. Only it was poems, super super personal/emotional/ soul-baring poems, that my mother gave away. They were in a notebook, she was cleaning out the attic, I asked her not to because I didnt know what was in them...well now i know. I feel like my heart has literally been ripped out of my chest and is currently being stomped to death by little heart-stomping gremlins. She gave them to a girl who works for my sister. The girl calls me over and says "so are you the poet?". At first I didnt understand. So she threw out titles, main ideas and the fact that she got them from my household. Imagine your deepest darkest secrets that you never tell anyone and maybe one day you cant handle them seething inside of you so you write them down, date them and put them out of your life, only to have some random ass girl read them and talk to others about them. Needless to say I was distraught...which I rarely am. I never understood when people say they have "hot tears" but hot tears were pouring down my face by the time I had gotten home and I was unable to talk to my mom about it. Honestly...I dont want my mother to read these things.

Im done for the night. Ill explain it all more later.

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[26 Jan 2005|09:20pm]
Okay. There are definitely a few things I need to get off my chest. I have been lied to, hurt, and have become resentful of people and their actions. This has made me bitter. This bitterness has made me become mean to people who have lied to me, hurt me, or done things guaranteed to make me resentful (okay, maybe thats a stretch...but when you coming from the position im already in it doesnt seem like one).
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is love....guaranteed to satisfy (it jacks the answers from your favorite things list) [26 Jan 2005|09:16pm]
woodford reserve whiskey is love
brought to you by the isLove Generator

marines are love
brought to you by the isLove Generator

mini boxes of cheez-its are love
brought to you by the isLove Generator
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I am... [18 Jan 2005|12:45pm]
You are Kristen!

Which Laguna Beach Cast Member are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
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[14 Jan 2005|01:02pm]
Take my Quiz!
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how do you spell "contussions"? [29 Nov 2004|12:54pm]
[ mood | back pain. ow. ]

Wow. It's been awhile since I wrote. Anwyays. Went to Michigan for Thanksgiving. Fell down the steps on thursday. My shoes were wet from snow. Damn my nasty cigarette habit. Have been in massive pain ever since. Went to the doctor this morning. Have contussions (not sure how you spell that) around my spine and swelling of the muscles around my spine. It hurts. They gave me pills...feel slightly better. Feel slightly loopy so am going to bed now. Night.

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Andy's home!!! [13 Nov 2004|07:59pm]
[ mood | excited ]

Andy's Home!!!!!! Yay!!! I havent seen him yet...but i will be seeing him very very shortly and I am very very excited. And everybody else will be there which will be too cool. too too cool. Ahhhhh!!! Im soo soo exited. Okay. Im done. Everyone have a wonderful evening and party responsibly.

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[12 Nov 2004|12:55am]
[ mood | i desperately need something. ]

Things I accept:
- I will never be svelte or slim or any of those other "s" words...I will always be curvy and soft and lovely
- I will never be able to flirt or make "come-ons" without blushing furously/feeling like a fool/or literally makeing a fool out of myself
- I will never be able to be attracted to someone who is quite frankly...lacking in the the intelligence department...i just cant do it...i need to be able to talk to people and not explain what im saying
- I will always be a fucking sap for love stories and romance and stories where the girl ends up happy in the end
- I will always feel both super creative and super depressed upon not taking my anti depressants
- I need to have someone to lust/crush after. Its truly necessary to my well being.
- Cigarettes are bad. Also that I have no intention anytime soon of quitting smoking them.
- That people will always judge me and think I'm things I'm not...solely by my attitude...i.e.when people think im a slut or alcoholic (id have to start putting out and drinking on weekends...not just the occasional weekday)
- That I set myself up for disappointment.
- That I will tell stupid white lies in order to convince people in positions of 'authority' to like/respect me
- That I will always need to sometimes go home, crawl into bed or a bubble bath and just have a fucking overdue cry about nothing (back to how i need to be taking those antidepressants)
- That I will love some people forever, even though I really dont think I ever want to be with them, again or for the first time ever
- That 'the other one' is as confused as i am
- That the new other one does actually like me. for me. and that i can smile at him all day just to see his eyes light up.

Going to Sleep. Love LB

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fuck college. [09 Nov 2004|08:10pm]
[ mood | lonely ]

Oookay. So there's some floor meeeting tonight. I just want it to go ahead and happen....Im sooo sick of waiting. And I'm like super wired. Listening to all my O.C. music so feeling like I'm a cool indie chick. I'm not cool and im not really indie so...thats what i get for that. But b's gone and the other one is mia sooo....another problem. but yeah. feeling lonely but too hyper to go to bed. Uhhh just want this week to be over with so Andy will be home and so will my loves and so will rentlet...just cant wait for this week to be over. We're field partying it. Something that hasnt been done for ummm since before Josh died. Might be bad due to that...but we all need to get together. I miss everybody so much. fuck college. unnecessary. completely. love to all. I'm going to act like im getting ready for this stupid thing.

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Yay me. [08 Nov 2004|10:49pm]
[ mood | lonely ]

Well well well. Life as a rule, now sucks. On one hand its my birthday in TWELVE DAYS!!! Yay me. But on my birthday my parents are throwing a party for my grandparents fiftieth anniversary. And - this is my favorite part btw - I get to be a server at the party. Again yay me. That fucking sucks. Sucks. I am not at all happy with this turn of events. And people suck too. But thats alot of extra detail I dont particularly feel like talking about right now. I do feel like talking about my phenomenal new sexy librarian stripper glasses that I purchased this evening and am currently wearing. Yay me is right. Also - my sister wont leave me the fuck alone about how lazy i am and how i never do anything. Its not bad...just fucking annoying. Yeah. Yay me.

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My Favorite Things [06 Nov 2004|11:51am]
[ mood | content ]

Okay. I'm sitting in Brittany's room because my computer screen exploded into leaves...and because she has the whole first season on the o.c. Yes we are dorks. I want a livejournal! So I have one now. B gets one, so does laurel b. Anyways. Last night I read B's fave things and I wanted to make a list for myself. Here goes:
1. Dorky Guys
2. Smart Guys
3. Guys who are more intelligent than I am
4. Whiskey
5. Friends who cry when theyre drunk - and not having to take care of them
6. Craziness
7. Christmas Music
8. Mexico Memories
9. Senior Year of High School
10. Josh Rice
11. Being a "Dynamic" Person
12. Watching people realize I'm not as stupid as I act
13. Arguing
14. Engaging in "witty banter"
15. Leading lambs to the slaughter
16. Fuzzy Slippers
17. Cheezits in this really tiny box available at WalMart. They're adorable. Truly.
18. Sleeping in front of the fire
19. Reading!!
20. Sappy Country Music
21. Talking to people I never see
22. Being accidentally in love
23. Gap Stretch Jeans - long and lean
24. T-Shirts
25. Camel Lights
27. Things being imperative to the situation
28. My birthday!!!

Things I don't like :
1. club dt 19
2. not knowing peoples sexual orientation - esp when it may matter personally to how much ass you will be receiving
3. mean people
4. warm mt dew
5. places without heat or air conditioning
6. going to class
7. getting out of bed
8. people who smoke fast
9. conservative idiots
10. george w bush
11. people who lie
12. people who don't answer when you call
13. party poopers
14. people who only want me for my money (right b?)
15. grinches

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HELLO!!! [05 Nov 2004|11:48am]
[ mood | rejected ]

Hello. I'm laurel. I'm new. It'll be painless - I promise.

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